That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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