ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
