love makes seman taste better
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
