i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
