if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
