Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We are two peas in an std pod
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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