I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize