If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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