We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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