I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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