one two three fourrrrnication!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
