She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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