you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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