guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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