I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
