she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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