My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
