Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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