you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
