So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
