So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
