I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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