Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
