I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
