so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
