yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
