I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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