I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
pray to the hookup gods
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
