I can't watch pbs sober anymore
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
