No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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