So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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