i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
