Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
