So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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