Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
These tits shall not be calmed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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