im drinking this country out of the recession.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
