ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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