Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
