is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
