just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
