She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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