Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
