I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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