I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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