no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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