If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize