Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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