Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
