Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize