i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
