whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
