I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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