I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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