he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
