I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize