Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
