I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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