Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
