I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
