your parents love me but you hate me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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