sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
