Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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