he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
