don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
