How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
