and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
