6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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