Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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