some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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