Please, let me fuck your mom
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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