So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
