So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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