I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
