you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
