did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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