he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
