I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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