Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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