Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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