he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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