I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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