you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
