New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
