and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
