does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
