I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
