Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
