Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
