a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
