you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
